Did I love him?
by MOKUBAisMINE
Summary: What if… No. That's impossible. I did love Seto… I mean, we were brothers, best friends, and..." Mokuba thought, but as soon as the thought crossed his mind, he couldn't get rid of it. What if he really didn't love Seto?


**Did I love him?**

By: Makura.

Note: NOT slash. You want slash, you lookie elsewhere, Kay? Good.

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"_Italicized words in quotes indicate Mokuba's thoughts"_

* * *

Mokuba Kaiba was lying on his bed, curled up in a ball and quivering. He had been lying there for the past few hours, crying, but now the tears refused to come, leaving him in even more agony, to think over what had just happened. 

"_How?"_ That was the first thought that crossed Mokuba's mind "_How could he be dead?" _Of course, Mokuba knew the answer to this, it was Mokuba himself that had found Seto's lifeless body on the floor of his office, Mokuba had been there when the doctors had pronounced his brother dead. Mokuba knew how, Seto had simply taken a knife and decided that life wasn't worth living. The real question, the question Mokuba wanted to avoid asking himself was why.

Mokuba knew that, no matter what the real reason behind Seto's suicide was, he would somehow manage to make it his own fault. However, he could not put off thinking about the reason for his brother's death forever, even thought he tried, and so soon he was asking himself, "_Why? Why did Seto die? What did I do to make him do that? What didn't I do to save him?"_

Seto had secluded himself in the days before he died, whenever Mokuba had asked Seto to do something together, Seto always told Mokuba that he had a project to work on, and so he couldn't do whatever Mokuba had asked. On the other hand, it wasn't like Mokuba had tried very hard to get Seto to do things with him. When Seto had something to work on, it took an insane amount of effort to pry him away from it, and Mokuba hadn't felt like putting out all that effort just for a few hours of Seto's time. Although he regretted it now…

"_Why didn't I see it?"_ Mokuba asked himself furiously, unconsciously digging his fingernails into his arms, "_Why didn't I make the effort? I'm sure, I KNOWhe wouldn't have done this if he had just had some time with me. I mean,he always told me that I was his purpose, and I guess since we barely had any time together…"_ Mokuba unconsciously dug his nails into his arm deeper, "_If I had made him realize how much I loved him, how much he loved me,I know he wouldn't have done it_."Mokuba was shocked out of his thought for a second as his nails dug even deeper, almost to the point of drawing blood. He yelled in pain as he pulled them out of his arm.

"_That hurt_." Mokuba thought to himself as he stretched out and laid on his bed, arms at his sides. "_Why did I do that?"_

As soon as he thought the thought, he knew the answer.

"_Seto… I loved him so much_…" Mokuba thought, desperately wanting to cry.

"WHY?" Mokuba yelled into the empty room, "If I love him why does it hurt so much? I thought love was supposed to be good, and last forever! So why in the hell am I in this much pain?"

Then, a thought crossed Mokuba's mind. "_What if… No. That's impossible. I did love Seto… I mean, we were brothers, best friends, and..."_ Mokuba thought, but as soon as the thought crossed his mind, it had a hold of him. What if he really didn't love Seto? "_Well..."_ Mokuba thought,_"Love is between two people, right? If… if you really loved someone, you wouldn't leave them to face the world alone. Which…"_ Mokuba could feel that he was going to cry again, "W_hich means that Seto didn't love me. And without two people, I guess love isn't there, and so I guess I didn't love him_…"

"_But, my logic must be wrong_." Mokuba thought, "_It wasn't his fault I didn't love him, it was mine. Well, love is between two people, and it's supposed to last forever. But I don't feel the same. I still want him back, more than anything, but it's not the same as the happiness I always felt when he was really here. If it really was love, I would still feel the same, but I don't. And because I don't, it's my fault. It's got to be…. No, it was both of us. Neither of us really loved each other_…" Mokuba thought as he began to cry again, "_I don't understand, though. If I didn't love him, why does it hurt like half my heart's been ripped out?"_

Mokuba curled up again and lay there, crying.

* * *

I'm suffering insanely badly. My best friend and greatest companion has just died. Anyways, I know Mokuba's logic may seem really flawed, but that was one of the things I thought, and still kind of think, now that my friend's gone. I was going to make Mokuba die, because the thoughts are more suited to Seto, but I decided that Mokuba would not kill himself (at least, not for a reason that could be explained in a one-shot fic). Sorry if this fic was horrible, I know it wasn't up to my usual quality, and all of you deserve so much better from me, but this is all I have to give. 

Kura

Ps. I hope it wasn't too confusing, this is my first fic where I explained the past where telling the story.

Pss. Despite how bad this is, I spent about 20 minutes editing it... wheras others I just spellcheck and post... so I hope it's a little better as far as mistakes of any kind...


End file.
